Why Social Media is Destroying Relationships
So I was reading this book titled - "I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill behind Extraordinary Relationships" by Michael Sorensen. It's a wonderful book. Very short read - perhaps an hour or so. One that ever person who has trouble with communication in relationships should definitely read.
Validation. That's what the author talks about throughout the book. Humans have this inherent desire to be heard and not just listened to. And yes, there is a difference. Even dogs and cats and other animals and pets can listen to you. They can listen to the wavelength, pitch, frequency of the sound your voice makes, and if I were to go a step further - maybe they can even gauge your mood.
Hearing someone, on the other hand, means that you put yourself in their shoes, and understand the situation. You may not necessarily agree, but you comprehend why they feel a certain way and you use your words to emphasise this. The first step is to understand their emotion, match their energy and show curiosity but the second and most crucial step is to use the right words and validate their feelings.
I don't want to offer any spoilers but if you want to understand the technique of validation and why it is important, definitely consider reading this one. It will definitely change all of your relationships.
But what does this all have to do with social media destroying relationships? Well, there was one particular sentence in this book that struck a chord with me.
"As much as 70 percent of our communication is nonverbal."
Sorensen, Michael S.. I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships (p. 76). Autumn Creek Press. Kindle Edition.
This is such an important sentence. Have you ever wondered why our conversations on instagram or whatsapp or facebook seem so dry and futile? It's because they lack one of our most important tools of communication - our nonverbal cues - body language, tone, mood, facial expressions.
How can you expect to communicate effectively if you are unable to use one of the most crucial forms of interaction? If you can't express non-verbally, you might as well not talk.
70 %. That's a big number and one that we must understand. A huge chunk of your everyday conversation.
The absence of this huge tool of interaction impacts us EVERY SINGLE DAY. And this means that every morning, afternoon or night that you have a conversation, you are only engaging in ineffective communication that is not satisfying your emotional needs as a human. Why else would you feel distraught and miserable even after days of talking and chatting and texting your significant other? It's because you can't communicate properly and completely without this one tool.
Communication without nonverbal cues is no worse than food without taste.
While I am no hater of online relationships and the Tinder era, I think it is necessary that we meet, and talk and engage in non-virtual interactions to ensure that we don't leave out this crucial aspect of our daily communication. Think about it and it give it a thought. How distraught have your relationships become due to this lack?
Why do YOU think social media is destroying relationships? Let me know in the comments below!
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